Yeah, I'm a Geek. Sue Me.

So, any of you who've known me for any length of time (or have read this blog... at all...) know that I am a total geek. It's important to distinguish the term "geek" from the term "nerd", though I technically fall into both camps. A geek is primarily obsessed with technology and all things thus related - Star Wars, Star Trek, and anything involving lasers and aliens is "geeky".

On the other end of the spectrum, nerds are those who like older things. Traditionally, they are fond of learning, studying, etc., but someone who is a fan of Epic Fantasy can also be defined as a nerd.

So, since I'm both a Sci-Fi fan and an Epic Fantasy fan, I suppose the most accurate term to describe me would be "Neek". I am very fond of my neekness. After all, there were wayyyy more geeks and nerds last generation than jocks. When they grew up, they made being a geek/nerd cool in the new society in which we now live. Thus, being not only a geek or nerd but a neek, I am, in fact, twice as cool as everyone else. But I digress.

Dang, I've always wanted to say that!

So, the other day, I picked up Pokemon White. Yes, yes, I am about to reach my 517th birthday. And yes, I am still an avid fan of the Pokemon games. It's just part of my nature that I absolutely refuse to give up. I don't care how lame you might think it is. It's a part of me and that's that. Nothing you can say or do about it.

Ok, that's a lie. If you offered me any sum upward of $50, I would quit Pokemon.

Anyway, for those of you who aren't familiar with the games, every single one has been built off the same premise: You are a Pokemon trainer. This means you train Pokemon. To fight. You must catch various Pokemon in order to fill up your Pokedex for a Professor who is "researching" Pokemon. (In actuality, all they actually do is stand around and let you do all the work. And they don't even pay you, either! Isn't that a violation of child labor laws or something?) In the course of your journey, you also have to conquer 8 Pokemon Gyms and then the Elite Four in order to become the Pokemon Champion.

Why battles that border on animal abuse are legal, we'll never know. Why ten year olds are allowed to travel all over the world, we'll never know. Why capturing Pokemon and making them fight for you makes them happy... we'll never know. But, hey, this is a kid's game. You're not supposed to ask questions.

So, Pokemon White is mostly the same as the older generations. You've got a new island, new Pokemon, new Gyms, but the same basic storyline. Apparently they've tried to make a "deeper" storyline by introducing a group called Team Plasma who want to liberate all Pokemon by stealing them from their trainers... but in my opinion, the original Team Rocket was much deeper. And at least the looked like evil people, instead of just doofaces...

Now, I've enjoyed this game so far. I really have. There's just something I absolutely cannot get over.

The Pokemon in this game look retarded.

I mean, not only is one of the starter Pokemon a freaking pig, but at its third evolve form it becomes a Mexican Lucidore pig. The coolest starter, the otter Pokemon, stops being an otter after it evolves the second time! And, not only that, but some of these new Pokemon are downright creepy! I mean, according to the Pokedex, there's one Pokemon that actually is made from departed human souls. Another is a candle that pretends to guide people, but then leads them off the path... to EAT THEIR SOULS!!!!

WHAT THE HECK, GAMEFREAK!?! THIS IS A FREAKING KID'S GAME!

The real clincher, though, is this.

Surely, you say, that can't actually be a trash-bag Pokemon. Surely GameFreak hasn't sunk that low.

Well, guys, according to the Pokedex, this Pokemon was formed when some trashbags encountered some type of nuclear waste.

Need I say more?

James
Proud Neek, Pokefan, Person Possessing x2 Cool Modifier Skillz, etc., etc.